


The Black Window is Insecure: How Hawkeye Got The Girl

by The Notorious Trollop Vo the Terrible (Voishen)



Series: The Domestic Lives of Superheroes [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Natasha Romanov, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Beta Clint, Beta Clint Barton, Clint Barton Feels, F/M, Feels, Natasha Feels, Real Life, mention of underage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 06:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2458190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voishen/pseuds/The%20Notorious%20Trollop%20Vo%20the%20Terrible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha and Clint have been best friends for years. They love each other, but have never been intimate in the way they've both wanted to. Natasha has her reasons and Barton respects them. The situation stayed the same until Natasha's mentor has a conversation with her about how she's living her life. She decides to make a change. </p><p>But the fate of her relationship with Clint is not her decision to make alone. Barton has some things to say to her about how he's treated that need to be heard. He is just as strong as Natasha and Bucky, even if he doesn't share their tragic background.</p><p>Warning: There is a one sentence line about how old Natasha was when she lost her virginity and it's disturbing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Black Window is Insecure: How Hawkeye Got The Girl

**Author's Note:**

> So this is set in a universe that has alpha/beta/omega dynamics. That means some people, like Natasha have some interesting parts. Basically Natasha is a lady alpha, so she has both male and female parts. Confused? Do not worry! There is a fic for that! 
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/2179554/chapters/5003295
> 
> This chapter is the main story this plot line belongs to. Read "The Winter Soldier Becomes A Parent: And the Personal Business of Other Super Persons" for the whole story.

               Natasha comes back from her walk with James feeling a little shell shocked.

_“Do you like what you have become? Are you still happy with the gifts I gave you?” He holds her head in his hands so that she cannot turn away._

_“Yes.” She says quietly._

_“Despite everything, you would do it again to become the woman you are now?”_

_“Yes.” She says surely but soundlessly._

_“I knew that about you when you were five years old! I have always known what it is you want and God damn me for being able to give it to you! If I hadn’t done exactly what I did, you would have died like all the others. You trusted me to do terrible things to you, believing it would save your life. Now that you’ve endured it all, you have that life. I’m telling you it’s time to start doing something with it. Trust me when I say, you should accept what he has to offer you.”_

_“Barton?” Natasha asks breathlessly._

_“Yes, Barton. He can love you better than I can. As it turns out love is not what they told us it was. You need it a lot more than a gun under your pillow.” He releases her head from his grip. She doesn’t move. She slowly inhales._

_“You want me to live?”_

_“Yes.” He strokes her cheek with The Weapon. “You care about him so much. Stop wasting time and take what you want already.”_

               James doesn’t really know anything about her relationship with Barton. He thinks he does but his understanding of relationships is based on what he has with Steve. As if anyone else has it so easy. James knew how to love Steve before he got turned into what he is now. Natasha never had that chance. She sits down on the sofa in her room and kicks off her shoes. Breakfast was good but it isn’t sitting well with her. Usually when James tells her to do something she does it and doesn’t ask questions. That part of her programming never got broken. But this is different. Barton is different. He’s uninvolved with her old life and yet he is.

               Barton saved her. She runs her fingers through her hair. She needs to think. She gets up again and goes over to her bathroom. She turns on her straightener and waits for it to warm up. She checks her complexion as she waits. She really needs to tweeze her eyebrows.  Other than that she’s pretty much perfect. That’s a little sad to her. Barton was the first person she ever told about the plastic surgery the Red Room gave her to make her look especially beautiful. Her nose used to be bigger, her jaw less defined, her brow a little less arched. Her mouth is pretty much the same though. She likes her mouth. Barton didn’t laugh like she thought he would when she told him. She thought he’d think she was silly for complaining about being beautiful. Not at all. He was almost angry about it. She leaned back against his chest and let him wrap his arms around her and lean his face on her shoulder.

              He was supposed to have killed her. Barton’s one of the very few people in the world that can. Natasha knows that if he found her in an open area where he had a good shot there is nothing she could do to defend herself. He doesn’t miss. Maybe she could take him in hand to hand combat but she’ll admit he’s damn good at that too.

             She picks up her straightener and starts work on her unruly curls. It is a little known secret that Natasha has high maintenance hair.

             Barton… They met when she was in Ankara, Turkey working a job as a mercenary. Red Room was no more, she was doing freelance work for the foreseeable future. She was on a lot of people’s lists. Including those belonging to her own former government. He shot her in the leg. She still has a little circular scar from the bullet. It’s her favorite. He shot her clean through without hitting the bone from three hundred yards away. She might have fallen in love with him then. He’d been tailing her for two hours, pushing her to her physical limits to avoid him. He knew all her tricks to escape and he thwarted every one. Each time she thought she could take a second to breathe, he was taking a shot at her again. It became very clear by the forth close shot that he was intentionally missing. He was just herding her to where she was out in the open away from civilians. She never actually saw him during that chase, which was impressive in itself as much as it was challenging. When she got to the field she thought she’d at least get him out in the open where she could identify how many people were tailing her. She thought there were at least six. When she glanced over her shoulder she did not expect one man. He was standing so far away, she thought she was in the clear. Then he took the shot that ended her old life.

            It was a devastating hit. Without the medical attention he gave her she would have bled out. She would have fought him if he hadn’t shot her with a tranquilizer before he approached.

            She parts her hair to the side today.

            After being shot she remembers waking up naked with her hands and feet zip tied to a bed.

_“Sorry for stripping you, but the twelve different knives I found make me feel a lot less guilty.”_

_“Fuck off!” She spat at him. Barton was sitting by the window of the room, cleaning the rifle he used to shoot her earlier that day. She tossed her head and gave him the most menacing look she had. “So now what? Are you going to rape me or have you done that already?” She spat._

_“Whoa, let’s not go assuming things just because you’re naked. I’m not that kind of guy. You are a very lovely woman but I generally don’t use both my rifles on the same person on the same day. If you get my meaning.”_

_“Not good for more than one round? That’s sad. Usually men your age can do better.” She remembers thinking he has great arms._

_“Wow. This capture thing must happen often if you’re this good at banter.”_

_“I have my techniques. If you’re not going to fuck me what are you going to do with me?”_

_“Well my assignment is to kill you. But…” Clint got up and walked over so they could look at each other in the eye. She took a deep breath when she first saw who he was. They accidentally met at a bistro the week before._

_“Yeah, I remember you too. Imagine how I felt when I got the Intel that led to me finding out what you look like.” He puts his hands on his hips. He didn’t glance anywhere but her face, which she thought was odd._

_“You didn’t know who I was?”_

_“Nope. I was just having a good time with a beautiful, flirtatious, horrifically lonely woman.”_

_"Lonely?” She arched an eyebrow critically. “What made you think I’m lonely?”_

_“Loneliness was what I thought at the time. Now I know what it really was.” He said as he looked down at her. She only blinks in response. “What are you doing these days Black Widow? You used to have allegiances, now you’ve got no direction. Been there before.” He crossed his impressive arms. “I know I’m supposed to kill you, but after talking to you I think it’d be a waste.”_

_"Of what?”_

_“A lot of things. My superiors might say talent. So I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to bring home the biggest surprise SHEILD’s ever gotten, get my ass kicked for it, and see how it all plays out. Thoughts?”_

_“I would have preferred if you were an insane rapist.”_

_“I kinda thought so.”_

               Natasha runs her fingers through her smooth hair. She picks up her favorite necklace off the counter and walks out.

.oOo.

               Clint is sitting on his bed browsing through his tumblr. Darcy has turned him into a junkie. He really like’s the artistic ways people have found to make porn out of The Avengers. They already made porn about them in costume (He’s seen nearly all of it. He and Natasha watch it together and eat popcorn.)  But these porn look-alike blogs are incredible. Especially the ones for Steve because of how many pictures the public has for comparison. Natasha has some very close look-alikes too. Really, really close. The woman herself walks into the room. Rather than blush and close his laptop like he’s been caught looking up porn of his best friend, Clint nods at her casually.

                “Hey, I found a new one that could be your less toned twin.” He says as he nods his head towards the screen. Natasha walks over and Barton scoots so she can lie down next to him. She lays herself down and snuggles into his side. He throws an arm over her shoulder. She leans her chin on her hand and studies this person. Her eyes pop a little at the resemblance.

               “You’ve outdone yourself.” She admits.

               “Congratulate the internet not me.” Barton glances at her neck and spots the little golden arrow on her necklace. He sighs. “You’re not wearing my necklace.”

              “What?” She glances down. “I am?”

              “No not that one, the one I gave you for your fake birthday on that one mission. You know on your real birthday?”

              “You mean my real fake birthday?” They don’t actually know when she was actually born.

              “Yes then.”

              “It doesn’t match.”

              “It’s a solitaire diamond Natasha, it matches everything.”

              “It’s too fancy for me to just wear around all the time. Besides it’s so damn corny Barton.”

              “Why is it corny?” He laughs. “You’re the Black Widow, you have a diamond. That’s so subtle no one would catch that besides us and maybe like… Tony.” He says as he gestures with the fingers of the hand on Nat’s shoulder.

              “I know but it’s so nice, I’m afraid I’d lose it somehow.”

              “Then I’ll get you a new one.”

              “That thing must have cost thousands of dollars.” She says. “Buy yourself something you want. That would make me happier.”

              “If I could buy you wearing the necklace I already bought you, I would.” He says as he continues to chuckle. He closes the laptop and rolls onto his back. Natasha shifts so that she has one bent arm on his chest. She lays her head down next to it.

              “I like my arrow.” She says stubbornly.

              “I like your arrow too, I just like your diamond too.”

               She huffs. “You know why I wear your arrow right?”

              “Because you like arrows?” He says sarcastically.

              “Because I like you, dumb ass.”

              “Now that, I know.”

              “Even though I torment you?”

              “Yup. Though I kind of wish you’d do the stuff we do like-.” He gestures between them how they are. “This, in front of people. You know, so people don’t get the wrong idea about what’s going on here.”

              “What is going on here Barton?” She asks with a coy smile.

              “We’re…” He blows out some air. “Really close friends who are like super intimate but we don’t take our pants off.” He shrugs. “So we’re thirteen.”

               Natasha snorts. “What do you mean we don’t take our pants off? We’ve been naked in front of each other dozens of times.” Barton rolls his eyes.

              “Not in the way most people who do what we do… do.”

              “You mean we don’t have sex?”

               Barton opens his mouth. He holds up one finger. “You say that like that’s a question. I really, really hope you do know the answer or else that stings.” Barton jokes. Natasha sits up. Barton props himself up on his elbows and looks at her thoughtfully, trying to figure out what she’s doing. “What?”

               “Do you want to?” She asks casually. Clint squints at her.

               “Is this one of those times you go 90% of the way then change your mind because you’re cruel, unusual, and punishing me for something?” He says flatly. “Because I have a mission tomorrow and I would like to be able to use my right arm.” He tips his head to one side.

               “No bullshit, do you or do you not want to have sex with me?” She asks with her best poker face on.

               “I bought you a one and a half karat diamond necklace because you don’t like rings, I’ve been shot seven times covering you, I’ve risked my career and credibility as an agent bringing you to SHEILD, I’ve turned down relationships with two really great people because I’ve been waiting for you for years, I haven’t had sex in five years because you can’t handle it when you smell someone else on me like that.” He blinks and leans his head the other way. “No bullshit Natasha, you know the answer to that question. The one you should be asking is why _don’t you_ want to have sex with me?”

               “I do want to.” She says softly. Barton sighs and sits up. He scrubs his face with his hands and gets off the bed.

                “But you want me to do better. Because you are a long list of things that all adds up to damaged. You’d rather hang out with Bucky in your little Russian pity party. You think being more damaged make’s you unworthy of me? Nat, that’s not how this works. Your damage puts you up on a pedestal, it makes you special. You and all your damaged friends have your little club and I’m not special enough to join. No I’m not a tortured super spy or a hundred year old super soldier assassin I’m normal by comparison; only by comparison. I’m good enough for friend status but I could never understand your dark, tormented history the way he does.” Clint puts his hands on his hips. “And he’s off fucking Steve and I’m right here putting up with your shit!” He points at the door. “I’m not saying your relationship isn’t a good one. You’ve certainly told me enough about you two to tell me that you’re whole world revolves around what he thinks of you. You know,” He scoffs, “despite the fact he fucking tortured you and had sex with you when you were twelve fucking years old. Oh! He was the one that cut your balls out right? He would have done the ovaries too but that was more precise surgery. Really great relationship that builds apparently.” Clint covers his eyes. “This is the part where I’m supposed to say I don’t love you because nobody whose interpretation of love is that warped could possibly love me back the way I deserve. Too fuckin bad for me because I do anyway! Unfortunately my application to POW torture camp has been rejected a few times. Oh wait! No it hasn’t, I’m in this relationship with you. That enough damage for us to be equals Tasha? Apparently not.” Barton huffs. He’s almost to the point of tears he’s so worked up.

                 He goes over to the table with the cases for his favorite weapons. He picks up the most powerful of his bows and leaves the room. Natasha takes a deep breath and goes after him.

                “Barton!”

                “What!?” He doesn’t stop storming away from her.

                “You’re wrong!”

                “No I’m not!” He turns to corner and disappears. Natasha stands there uncertainly. She doesn’t know what she was expecting. Definitely not that.

.oOo.

                She goes to the new SHEILD headquarters to train. She could stay in the tower but then she might run into Barton and clearly he wants his space. He took his bow so he probably went somewhere else to practice, but still. She doesn’t want to hurt him.

                She never did, even when she plotted to do awful things to him just to mess with him. How else was she supposed to express her real feelings? She doesn’t know how real relationships work. Her level of incompetents when it comes to expressing genuine emotion is something she shares with no one. Better to make them all think she just doesn’t feel. And yet with Barton she tries. He makes her act like she’s in second grade pulling the hair of the kid she likes. He’s right of course; she does lead him on and she does give him a lame reasons for not being in a physical relationship with him. But how is she supposed to just tell him she’s scared? It’s mortifying. It’s like telling people she’s been neutered. Fear is something she experiences so infrequently that she has no practice talking about it. She was punished for it. James punished her for it himself. Barton is right, she should hate him and Clint should hate her. Why neither of them do is nothing short of a mystery. She was so close to just telling him today…

                Because James told her to. Barton’s right she is pathetic. James is right too though; she has always wanted Clint ever since she met him. So who’s more right? Are they mutually exclusive on this point? Barton wouldn’t want her to finally make a move just because James told her to, but what if that’s not why she’s doing it at all? Maybe she’s tired of living in the ‘Russian pity party’? James certainly isn’t living there anymore. Why is she the only member in her club? She wants to be with Barton. He’s so wrong about what being worthy. Yes she had her connection with James and that was forged out of trauma but relationships formed from actually loving the person and treating them right, are so much more valuable than ones out of mutual experience alone. Barton was there when she needed someone to be there for her. He’s so wrong to think that that isn’t the most precious gift he could ever give her, even more than what James did. Sure James saved her life but that’s small change compared to how Barton met her and gave her a part of his. He’s the reason her new life has worked out for her, without his support none of it would have been possible. He gives her a sense of love and belonging she’s never gotten from anything else before. She wants to fuck his brains out and get fucked in turn. Literally and figuratively, he’s dealt with everything she’s ever thrown at him with nothing but grace. She should just trust that he knows her better than she knows herself. Leaps of faith are not her strong point. But he knows that.

.oOo.

                Barton walks out of the shower still feeling like he just went and took a bath full of salt and razor blades. Who knew standing up for yourself makes you feel this shitty afterward. He should have just said yes… no that wouldn’t have been right. He should have at least just let her talk. Fuck. He walks out of his bathroom wearing a towel around his waist uncase Natasha shows up in his room like she does just to screw with him. He looks up and is nearly bowled over by the picture in front of him.

                “Fuck…” He says before it sinks in that this is not an extremely vivid day dream. “Fuck!” He yells when it finally hits him. “Nat put some fucking clothes on!” He yells as he covers his eyes. Natasha being naked is nothing unusual. Natasha wearing black thigh high stockings, a garter belt, and the fucking diamond necklace he bought her AND ONLY THAT; that is brand fucking new.

                “No, I’m trying to seduce you. It would be against the point.” She says in her usual calm tone, even though inside she is devastated that he reacted this way. Barton grabs a pillow out from behind her, making her fumble awkwardly to continue to pose sexily.

                “I’m seduced just- here!” He covers her groin with the pillow. Breasts he can handle, he cannot handle her lower regions looking so interested and interesting. His towel isn’t hiding his erection very well. He takes a deep breath and turns around. “What the fuck Nat!?” He exclaims, still in shock.

                “Maybe I went about this the wrong way…” She sits up but keeps the pillow in her lap. “I thought this would make things simpler but is doesn’t seem like it’s working.” Her voice betrays just a tinge of her nervousness. Barton hears that more than her words.

                “It’s fine Nat. What were you trying to do here?” He asks with a lot more calm.

                “I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier. I didn’t know you felt that way.” She fumbles with her necklace. “But now that you’ve told me it suddenly seems so obvious.” She sighs and grimaces. “You know how I am Barton, I can manipulate people better than anyone but I’m terrible when it’s real. It’s just so unnatural to say the right thing when I really mean it. When I really care.” Barton rolls his eyes and mentally kicks himself. He turns around and faces her. She looks so damn insecure like this. One hand on her necklace, one hand holding the pillow down almost shyly. This isn’t a mask. He knows her masks. Natasha can do sweet and vulnerable but it looks nothing like this. This is what she looks like when she actually is exposed and at his mercy. He’s right of course. He sits down next to her.

                “And this morning was what then?” He asks while he rubs his face. She purses her lips.

                “I was using my body when I should have been using my emotions.” She admits.

                “And…” He gestures at her exposed body without looking at her. “You’re still doing it because?”

                “I don’t know how to do this and not seem like I’m faking it.”

                “What’s _this_ Tasha?” He gently prods. He leans his elbows on his knees.

                “Me telling you I’m not screwing around anymore. I think it’s time for me to grow up and move on. To you, that is.”

                “Literally or figuratively?” He asks slyly. She looks at him with a coy smirk and a cocked eyebrow.

                “Anyway you want me baby.” And she means it. Clint opens his mouth but he’s at a loss for words. “Are you okay? Do you need help? Because I’m good at sex. I understand you’re a little out of practice but I hear you’re a quick study.”

                Barton grabs both sides of her head and kisses her like he’ll die if he doesn’t. She swats the pillow out of her lap, wraps her arms around his neck, and straddles his hips. Kissing Natasha Romanov for the first time might be the greatest moment of his life so far. The feeling she has in her chest as she kisses him back is more gratifying than she thought kissing could be. This is the closest thing she’s ever felt to euphoria. Even omegas in heat don’t make her feel like this. Barton grabs her ass and pins her to the bed without taking his mouth off hers. She moans and gently pushes his shoulders away. He breaks the kiss and rests their foreheads together.

                “If you have something corny and cliché to say, now’s the time to get it out.” She rumbles in her bedroom voice.

                “I-.” He pulls his head back so he can look her in the eyes. “I like it when you call me baby.” They look at each other for a moment before Natasha starts humming and Clint starts singing softly in falsetto. “Hey I just met you, and this is craaazzyy you’re my best friend. So fuck me maybe?” Natasha laughs.

                “I love you.” She says sweetly.

                “No kidding.”

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to my friend. I hope I don't make the same mistakes again. 
> 
> -The Trollop


End file.
